‘The program is doomed’

Editor's Note: This story mentions suicide and depictions of harassment.

For a year after leaving the Indiana volleyball program, she couldn’t look at a volleyball.

All her Indiana practice gear — anything the department gave her with the IU logo — was thrown out. Everything that reminded her of the team had to go.

The player, who asked to remain anonymous, didn’t recognize the person she became under head coach Steve Aird. She was depressed and would break out in hives from stress and anxiety. She could never sleep, and it was noticeable in the bags under her eyes, she said.

The player left the program after one year. Afterward, when talking to a therapist, she came to the realization that her issues started with Aird.

Although she doesn’t want to put labels on it, she thinks her symptoms are close to those of post-traumatic stress disorder. She was talented enough to transfer, but couldn’t handle the pressure of it. The idea of starting somewhere new and dealing with the same abuse again kept her from seeking out another future in volleyball, she said.

“To me, it was more of a survival thing to get out of there.”

Mallorey Daunhauer

The Indiana Daily Student spoke with four players who all played under Aird from 2018 to 2021, as well as two players who played under Aird while he coached at the University of Maryland. All of the players at Indiana have since left the program and each one asked to remain anonymous. The players said they were concerned that Aird, well-connected within the volleyball community, could still hurt them. They said they feared he would use his connections to retaliate against players speaking out against him — even after leaving the program.

The players allege that Aird abused his position of power. They said he ran practices and drills to the point players would break into tears and begin to throw up. One time, when no one was around, one athlete said Aird asked her to show him her new tattoo on her backside. When players would bring their concerns to Aird regarding their mental health, he would often dismiss them, sometimes telling them that they should quit instead.

In 2019, Sharon Furlong and Lynne Beck sat with a group of Indiana volleyball alumni, watching a practice after receiving a tour of Wilkinson Hall.

Furlong and Beck both played at Indiana during the first years of the program. Furlong graduated in 1984, while Beck played through 1983. Both have stayed involved with the program since.

During their tour, one of the players made a mistake on the court. What shocked the alumni was the shouting immediately afterward.

The group was stunned. The player started crying.

After the practice, Furlong said the group discussed whether he yelled at the player to show off or to impress the alumni.

“I’m not naive, I’ve been around this sport for over 40 years,” Furlong said. “I know coaches need to be tough, but I was also shocked he did it in front of us.”

For the players, it was nothing new. They say the practice environment had been built on fear under Aird. When someone made a mistake, instead of looking to get better they would look to avoid punishment. Sometimes it was pushups, sometimes they’d have to push a weighted sled the length of the court.

As they got older, the players lost confidence rather than becoming better. One of the players said she felt so broken down she lost the ability to set a volleyball. When the team would break into smaller groups to practice, she would often spend the drill crying.

Steve Aird was hired by Indiana on Dec. 27, 2017, after spending four years as the Maryland volleyball head coach.

He led the Hoosiers to a 16-15 record in his first season in 2018, his best at Indiana.

The 2018 team was built almost entirely with players recruited under previous coach Sherry Dunbar-Kruzan. Aird told those players they wouldn’t be playing much over the next few seasons when he’d bring in his recruits to replace them, multiple players said. They’d be better and take over. The current players didn’t care about volleyball, Aird would say, according to multiple players.

But no matter how much time or effort players put in, it rarely was enough.

Over four seasons, as older players have left Aird’s program, his team’s record has gotten worse. In 2019, the Hoosiers were 14-19. They were 5-15 in spring 2021 during the COVID-19 season before going 10-22 in fall 2021.

Over Aird’s four seasons, the players he recruited, the ones Aird said would take over, rarely played. Several of them were cut, with nearly no reasoning as to why. One said her world was turned upside down during the meeting when she found out she was no longer part of the program.

Aird told that player part of his decision to cut her came from a meeting with the team captains. But when the player talked to the captains, they told her the meeting never occurred.

Players are leaving at a high rate even with the new NCAA transfer portal rules, and Indiana isn’t bringing players in. The 2022 class included one recruit, who then decommitted from Indiana and flipped to Penn State.

The recruit will be playing under assistant coach Daniel Gwitt, who left Indiana to take an assistant coaching position at Penn State. Indiana’s other assistant coach, Krista Vansant, also left Indiana to take the same role at Illinois.

IDS Staff

When Alexis Alden was recruited to Maryland in 2014 by Aird in her freshman year of high school, she said it was exciting. Aird was always personable with her, encouraging her when she did well at a Maryland recruitment camp she attended. By the end of the camp, Alden had committed to Maryland, and she graduated a semester early to play at Maryland starting in 2017.

But when she arrived at the school, the dream she was sold started unraveling.

“It almost felt like a sales pitch,” Alden said. “Like he was telling you everything you wanted to hear.”

Alden said she expected to have fun playing volleyball in the Big Ten, one of the best conferences in the country, even though she knew it wouldn’t be easy.

But by the first preseason team meeting, Alden started to feel herself losing the love of the game as Aird laid out rule upon rule restricting her freedom.

After Aird left for Indiana, the Maryland program improved. Katie Myers, another Maryland player under Aird, said it felt healthy and she felt safe to make mistakes again once Aird left. Myers said she maintained a good relationship with Aird while she was injured in 2016. She said Aird would send her supportive texts and motivational quotes, but once she returned to playing, that changed.

After experiencing a better environment, Myers said her view of her time with Aird and how he treated her began to change.

“Looking back, I don’t know if it was real or not,” Myers said.

Aird’s attacks often extended beyond volleyball ability, players interviewed by the IDS said. At one practice, two players were struggling to pass to each other. Aird leaned over to another player.

“Are they fucking the same guy or something?” a player remembers Aird asking. In a statement provided to the IDS, Aird denied this claim.

The comments felt personal, the players said. One player learned just how personal in an individual meeting.

“I’d rather lose than have you win,” she remembers him telling her.

The player said she didn’t understand what Aird meant, but guessed her “win” was a chance to play at all.

Aird’s personal comments also focused on what players ate. In January, a player posted a TikTok that accumulated 286,000 views describing a situation where a player was eating sweet potato fries before a practice. The player said Aird told her they looked good, but later held a meeting with the captains saying she shouldn’t be eating them, despite being approved by the team nutritionist.

According to the Indianapolis Star, Dunbar-Kruzan once asked her players to think of one thing they would improve about themselves. Then-Athletic Director Fred Glass said he was surprised how many players answered with mental health issues like improving self-confidence.

During his time at Indiana, Glass prioritized mental health care for student athletes. In the Student Athlete Bill of Rights, Indiana committed to providing psychological health care services for its student athletes. The Hoosiers also employ a sports psychologist, Troy Moles, for its players to talk with.

But when volleyball players would try to get mental health help, several players said Aird would regularly dismiss them. If they raised it above Aird to Deputy Director of Athletics Mattie White, she’d push it aside too, they said.

During a player’s exit interview with White, she decided to blame herself for leaving the program rather than share the real reasons. She claimed she felt if she told the truth, it wouldn’t be dealt with.

When a player told Aird she was burnt out, she said Aird told her to quit so someone else could fill her spot on the roster. One veteran player on the team brought her concerns about players’ mental health being disregarded to Aird. She said she felt she needed to stick up for the underclassmen and work to make the program better. It didn’t work. Instead, Aird got defensive, acting as if he was the victim in the situation, the player said.

Players across the country have reported being uncomfortable talking to coaches about mental health. According to an NCAA study published in 2019, 49% of female student-athletes felt comfortable talking about mental health with their coaches and only 37% felt comfortable with the level of help they’ve received from their programs, both lower than male student athletes.

According to multiple sources, IU Associate General Counsel James Nussbaum investigated Aird.

Multiple players and parents sent letters or held phone calls with the administration at the end of November and into December 2021, laying out the problems and mental health issues they developed under Aird, and the investigation began by early December.

The investigation was cut short before several players were able to talk with the General Counsel. The players had been scheduled for interviews, but never spoke with the investigators.

Nussbaum declined to comment for this story, citing a privileged investigation. The IDS requested emails regarding the investigation, but were denied by the university, citing attorney-client privilege. The IDS also requested Aird’s disciplinary record, which the university said it does not maintain.

According to the section of the Indiana Student-Athlete Code of Conduct applicable to coaches, “Conduct that is verbally or physically threatening, abusive, belligerent, or harassing is never appropriate and shall not occur at any time.”

Five of the six players the IDS talked to said they’ve been in therapy since playing for Aird.

They’re attempting to move past the damage Aird inflicted. They’re watching as the program dries up. The students at Indiana don’t know what’s happening inside Wilkinson Hall, but the volleyball community is noticing.

“Everyone in the volleyball world knows what’s going on in the program,” one player said. “Everyone knows what’s going on. Why would you want to come here and play for him?”

Under Aird, Indiana has entered a new era, one that looks extremely different from what was promised. The program loses frequently at the expense of its players’ mental health, and many players have left Indiana, giving up the sport they loved to feel safe again. They tell others to follow suit — to transfer to another program or quit altogether.

“The program is doomed,” one player said. “It’s really sad because a lot of the girls would speak out, but they genuinely cannot.”

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The IDS will continue to report on this issue following the publication of this investigation. Any news tips can be sent to reporter Evan Gerike over email at egerike@iu.edu.